Will You Shut Up?
by fandoholic
Summary: While waiting for Emma to appear and save her loved ones, Hook has some fun with King Arthur. Everyone wants him to stop talking. My take on what Emma's family was doing while they were tied up waiting for her in "Birth".
1. Will You Shut Up?

They'd been waiting for Emma to appear for nearly 3 hours...it was more than enough time to have some fun with their captors. Arthur was positively fuming.

"So when the dark one comes, who should we threaten first, the mother?" Arthur asked his companion zelena

"Well as much as I love a good matricide, I'd suggest Mr. Tall dark and handless" "You called?" Hook smirked "you do know Emma will never agree to this right?"

"If I wanted your opinion I'd have asked for it" Arthur said

"Ooo I'm wounded"

"Will you shut up!"

"Bite me"

That was the last straw. Arthur stalked forward towards Killian.

"Alright let me rephrase that. If you don't shut your mouth, I'll unleash Merlin. I mean honestly will you ever stop talking?" Now Arthur held the broken Excalibur out threateningly. Just as he began to turn around, the reply came

"Not likely. I noticed that your sword is a bit smaller than a man would like. Apologies mate"

"Ha and yet you don't have one at all"

"sadly not, but I assure you my ship is quite large" Everyone snorted at that

Arthur huffed. He was losing control of this situation. "Where the heck is the dark one!?"

"Her name is EM-MA"

"sorry?"

"Please your pathetic. Real men fight their own battles, they don't need to entrap sorcerers to do their bidding. I'm not a big fan of cowards meself. Regina can tell you that"

Regina had been listening to the pirate blab for hours on end.

"Hook STOP TALKING"

"That wasn't an answer"

"I don't like cowards"

"I didn't ask you tell him your opinion on cowards, I asked you tell him mine"

"He hates cowards"

"Thank you. Was that so hard?"

If looks could kill, Hook would have been dead in that moment. Although considering everything that he'd seen in his lifetime, he wouldn't have been a bit surprised if they could.

Arthur couldn't have been more relieved when the dark one emerged from the clearing.

So that was my short blurb to get back into writing. Hope you all liked it. Please make sure to review, I'd love the feedback, and I don't mind constructive criticism.


	2. He's a goner

Will you shut up chapter 2

The first thing Emma heard was Regina.

"SHUT UP HOOK"

She'd only been gone a few hours, and already he was making a nuisance of himself. Here she was trying to save all of them, and Killian was determined to make that difficult. She briefly questioned how he'd managed to survive so long. She decided she should probably get this over with before Arthur snapped.

"Seriously?"

"Dark One, how lovely of you to join us"

"Swan, you missed all the fun!"

"If your definition of fun is giving everyone a migraine, then sure we've all had a blast Miss Swan"

"Come on I had to do something with my time. It's awfully dull being tied to a tree. There's nothing to do. I'm hungry Artie." Killian whined.

Emma could see that Arthur was about at the end of his rope. She needed to defuse this situation now.

"Tell your lover to SHUT HIS MOUTH"

"Here I thought we were getting along so nicely. Guess it just goes to show that you can never truly know what a person is thinking. I'm hurt mate"

"Killian."

"Swan."

"Stop"

"Why?"

"Because I said so"

Killian, ever the drama queen, sighed loudly. No one appreciated his humor. Too bad for them. "He's not actually going to do it. Poor lad can't even keep his wife under control. I figure he's trying to compensate for that tiny, pathetic sword of his. Having performance issues mate?" He knew he was playing with fire, but it was just too easy. His efforts were quickly rewarded when Arthur turned to him red faced, teeth bared.

"If you don't shut your bloody mouth, flame or no flame I will GUT you with this blade"

Killian turned to Arthur then, feigning innocence. "I was only trying to help mate". Gradually a wide smile graced his face. Unfortunately, this was all just too amusing to Killian, and he cracked, the rumble of a low chuckle, quickly turning into a full-on fit of laughter.

Emma stared at him. Yep, he was a goner. No way this one was going to make it to old age. She'd probably murder him first…If Arthur didn't beat her to it.

"Clearly a hand isn't the only thing this pirate is missing. Now can we please get on with this exchange." Regina huffed. Here she thought it was going to be a regular day of saving the Charming's asses. Save Swan and go home to Storybrooke. She was even fine with being tied to a tree, but no. She had to stand here, in the sun for three hours, listening to the pirate having a pissing contest with the idiot king of Camelot. She watched as Zelena raised her arm to magically smack Killian's head into the tree. That sobered him up. Apparently even her equally annoying sister had, had enough of Captain Guyliner's antics today. Maybe there was hope for her after all.

"Enough. So, Dark one who should I execute first? Your boyfriend? Or your father?"


End file.
